Introverted

Introverted

This might be news to myself as much as it is to anybody else, but I have learned more about myself this first semester of college than I have learned about some of my class subjects.  One thing I have learned is how truly introverted I am.  In high school, I was involved in literally every club that my school offered besides the chess club.  I was Yearbook editor, cheerleading captain, NHS member, soccer player, volleyball captain, choir member, part of the running club, missions society vice-president, student body chaplain, class vice-president and a part of countless other extra-curricular activities that currently elude me.  I was always busy, and I would have never considered myself an introvert.  Quiet?  Yes.  Introvert? No way.

 

The first day of college, as I stood passing balls at volleyball practice, I knew that my over-achieving self was not going to be able to be as involved as I was in high school, and, after talking with the coach and withdrawing myself from the volleyball team, I found myself as part of absolutely no club, group, or extra activity.  I was a little scary and a little freeing.  I spent all of my time at class, work, or studying in the library.

 

This is when I started realizing small facts about myself.  Being around people sometimes just wears me out.  I have to pretend to be happy, excited, and perfect.  I remember feeling this way in high school, but now I think that I was so busy that the adrenaline kept me perky.  I keep my emotions bottled up inside.  I definitely recognized this in past years.  I once broke my nose and didn’t even flinch.  The only reason I had to walk off the indoor soccer court was that the blood was dripping on the floor.  I hate to let people know what is on the inside.  Now that I am around so many loud, obnoxious girls, I realize this even more.  Sometimes, I have to force myself to talk.  Other times, I have a question in class, but my mouth refuses to open and ask it.  I like nothing more than curling up with a good book.  I have always been that way, and I am convinced that I always will.

Sometimes I just wish people could see my need to be alone.  I want people to quit begging me to come to the basketball games.  I spend 24 hours of my life around people (thanks to the genius that invented the roommate idea).  Sometimes I just want to sit in the quiet library and type a blog entry without being interrupted.  Is that too much to ask for?

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