This might be news to myself as much as it is to anybody else, but I have learned more about myself this first semester of college than I have learned about some of my class subjects. One thing I have learned is how truly introverted I am. In high school, I was involved in literally every club that my school offered besides the chess club. I was Yearbook editor, cheerleading captain, NHS member, soccer player, volleyball captain, choir member, part of the running club, missions society vice-president, student body chaplain, class vice-president and a part of countless other extra-curricular activities that currently elude me. I was always busy, and I would have never considered myself an introvert. Quiet? Yes. Introvert? No way.
The first day of college, as I stood passing balls at volleyball practice, I knew that my over-achieving self was not going to be able to be as involved as I was in high school, and, after talking with the coach and withdrawing myself from the volleyball team, I found myself as part of absolutely no club, group, or extra activity. I was a little scary and a little freeing. I spent all of my time at class, work, or studying in the library.
This is when I started realizing small facts about myself. Being around people sometimes just wears me out. I have to pretend to be happy, excited, and perfect. I remember feeling this way in high school, but now I think that I was so busy that the adrenaline kept me perky. I keep my emotions bottled up inside. I definitely recognized this in past years. I once broke my nose and didn’t even flinch. The only reason I had to walk off the indoor soccer court was that the blood was dripping on the floor. I hate to let people know what is on the inside. Now that I am around so many loud, obnoxious girls, I realize this even more. Sometimes, I have to force myself to talk. Other times, I have a question in class, but my mouth refuses to open and ask it. I like nothing more than curling up with a good book. I have always been that way, and I am convinced that I always will.
Sometimes I just wish people could see my need to be alone. I want people to quit begging me to come to the basketball games. I spend 24 hours of my life around people (thanks to the genius that invented the roommate idea). Sometimes I just want to sit in the quiet library and type a blog entry without being interrupted. Is that too much to ask for?