It’s official. I am back in the dorms for another 9 months.
Back to class.
Back to friends.
Back to cafeteria food.
My mind is already tired, and I haven’t even been here a whole day.
Generally, I have everything in control. My classes are caught up. My room is clean. My clothes are planned for the next week. I like order, rules, and consistency. Independent and strong-willed, I make sure everything works out perfectly.
God does not want me to live in this state of self-reliance, however, and He makes this clear to me everyday. He wants me to rely on Him. His timing. His direction. His purpose.
Sometimes I think I cannot take it. I cannot handle the unknown plans that He has drawn out. Not only do I want to see His blueprint, I want to be the one who designs it. I don’t seem to have the faith that those in Hebrews 11 had, and I would never step out of a solid boat onto the crashing waves like Peter.
Rather than trust God’s providence, I too often find myself struggling to do everything alone. It is impossible. I can only handle so much, and then I am fumbling, trying to keep everything in the peaceful order I created.
“Jesus said, ‘Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me. I leave you peace; my peace I give you. I do not give it to you as the world does. So don’t let your hearts be troubled.” John 14:1,27
Lord, help me to rely on You. Give me your peace instead of the worldly peace I so often seek. Show me that Your plan is far better than anything I could try to organize. Teach me that You alone satisfy.