Today I start my senior year of college. How bizarre, crazy, and unfathomable is that?! Since starting school seventeen years ago, I have learned a few things about education, and I would like to impart some wisdom to any new college freshman.
Most people enter college with the goal of graduation. But who wants to be like everyone else? Make your own goals! Blaze your own path! Aim to drop out! Here are my ten recommendations for successfully failing a class.
- Ignore the syllabus. In the syllabus, the professor will list any test, quizzes, papers, and other assignments. Do not print out the syllabus. Do not read it. Do not even access the file on your computer. Even glancing at a page of the syllabus may lead to passing the class.
- Procrastinate. If you happen to know that an assignment will be due, try to avoid completing the assignment at all costs. Only students who desire to pass a class actually complete any of the coursework.
- Oversleep. Professors are pleased when students arrive to class on time and fully prepared. In order to make failing easier, do not set an alarm or prepare anything for class the night before.
- Goof off. Once you do get to class, let your mind wander away from the professor’s lecture. Instead, scroll through Instagram or watch YouTube videos. Whatever you do, refrain from listening to what the teacher is saying.
- Refuse help. It is possible that a classmate will offer to give you notes, help you organize your calendar, or tutor you. Do not accept any of these offers as they may lead to success.
- “Wing” the tests. Studying is a sure-fire way to pass an exam. This could be detrimental to your goal of failure.
- Neglect the textbook. Do not read it, open it, or sleep with it under your pillow. In fact, it will probably be best if you do not buy it. Ideally, you won’t even know what the text book is called.
- Forget about homework. If this is not possible, feed homework to your dog.
- Skip breakfast. Eating may provide energy which would increase your likelihood of paying attention and being productive.
- Be aimless. Set no goals other than the goal of failure.
Disclaimer: Following these ten steps may lead to becoming becoming a college dropout. In such cases, one might have a sense of inadequacy, failure, and depression. Consult your parents and mentors before engaging in any failure-driven activities.
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas! The college halls have been “decked”, the church across the street is building a nativity, and ugly sweaters are making an appearance in the cafeteria. It’s time to celebrate!
The idea came to me as I lay in bed one cold morning. Gingerbread man pancakes! After pulling myself from the warm covers, I gathered my supplies to create a delicious, wintry breakfast. Eggs, flour, applesauce, spices, I had everything I needed. Except a man-shaped cookie cutter. Whatever, I thought, I will make this work without a cookie cutter.
First, I mixed together all of the ingredients (see below). It smelled delicious!
Then, I poured my batter onto the pan in the shape of a gingerbread man.
This is where I ran into a little trouble. I couldn’t get my man to flip. At all.
After a little reconstructive surgery, I formed what you see below…
One mishap was not going to stop me, though. I still had over half of my batter left. I poured it all into the pan to make one large pancake. My plan was to use cookie cutters to cut the large pancake into shapes.
I can’t flip a pancake.
So I did what any self-respecting blogger would do. I smashed my pancake scraps together in a cookie cutter, took some pictures, and told all my loyal readers about the ordeal.
Hey, looks aren’t everything. It’s the delicious taste of these babies that counts!
Gingerbread Man Pancakes
- 1/3 cup applesauce
- 1 tbs. wheat flour
- 1 egg
- 1/4 tsp. cinnamon
- 1/4 tsp. ginger
- 1/8 tsp. all spice
- 1/4 tsp. vanilla
- 1 scant pinch cloves
- Thoroughly combine all ingredients in a bowl.
- Coat a pan with non-stick spray and warm over medium heat.
- Pour batter by spoonful onto pan.
- Once bubbles are forming on top of the batter, flip the pancake.
- Cook several more minutes.
- Transfer to plate.
- Eat and enjoy!
I’ve noticed a lot of people out in blogger’s world advocating the Paleo diet. They make it sound great–let’s eat like cavemen–and their pages have some pretty yummy recipes. Since I know I could never be a strict Paleo (no oatmeal? no yogurt? no black beans? forget it!), I decided to see if I could even make it a day.
For breakfast, I cooked some eggs. So far so good…then I topped them with corn salsa. Strike one.
– That’s okay. It’s only one meal. I will do better the rest of the day.
My mid-morning snack was peanuts. Strike two.
– Alright. Third time is the charm. Lunch will be perfect.
I found a recipe for sweet potato patties, made some modifications to keep it both Paleo and tasty, and set to work. After some cooking and photographing, I devoured two delicious sweet potato patties…topped with cottage cheese. Strike three. I’m out.
More power to ya’, cavemen. For now, I will keep eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon.
Paleo (or not) Sweet Potato Patties
- 1 cup shredded sweet potato
- 1 egg, beaten
- 1 tbs. almond flour
- 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
- 1/4 tsp. vanilla
- 1/8 tsp. ground turmeric
- honey to taste (if you have also given up the Paleo way of life 🙂 )
- Mix all ingredients in a bowl
- Shape mixture into two patties
- Heat a medium skillet over high heat and place patties in the pan
- Cook for a few minutes on each side until the patties are golden brown
- Remove from pan, eat, and be thankful that we are not cave people
It’s no secret. I LOVE COOKIES! I think that they are the single greatest food on the planet, and I have been known to ask for birthday cookies instead of birthday cake. That is why I was super excited to find a recipe for healthy banana cookies. Yes! Not only did these cookies promise to be cheap and healthy, buy they also required only two ingredients which I love: bananas and oatmeal. I could absolutely not wait to try out the recipe found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNgqo8rlnzA
However, despite my enthusiasm, I failed. I consider myself pretty knowledgeable about cookie making, and I can tell you this: cookies are not supposed to be bouncy, rubbery, squishy, or shiny. My cookies managed to be all of these things. Better yet, when I bit into them, it tasted a lot like a raw plantain. Yuck.
So maybe it was my own fault that this didn’t work out. First of all, I didn’t use a food processor; I used a blender. I didn’t know if that would really matter, but it probably didn’t do much to help my case. Second, I didn’t make 4 huge cookies like the video suggested. Instead, I made bite-size treats because that is how I like my cookies. I ALWAYS make small cookies. No exceptions. Also, I didn’t use an overripe banana. I used an slightly greenish one, which definitely messed up the whole experience. As soon as I peeled the banana, I knew that the cookie wasn’t going to turn out. Lastly, I didn’t make banana ice cream to put on them. I am sure this was the ultimate cause of my demise. I thought that peanut butter would make a nice topping, but I would sure not recommend it.
Now, I must admit it; I have not completely given up on these guilt-free cookies. I think that I may make a few modifications to what I did (like, I might actually follow the directions) and try them again. I really want these to turn out because I really want to be able to eat a cookie without feeling guilty. Stay posted; there may be another baking story coming soon 🙂